How do you beat someone psychologically

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A look as cold as a block of ice: Charlize Theron walks over corpses as the evil queen in “Snow White and the Huntsman”. Photo: Universal Pictures

Recently I was treated really badly. Not just bad or unjust, but really nasty. And the worst was: I had no way to defend myself, my back was against the wall. I'm eating all the trouble couldn't sleep anymore and eat almost nothing. Whenever I thought about this experience, I noticed how my blood pressure rose, my heart began to pound and a bitter taste spread in my mouth - the bile let me greet you. I was full of anger and pain and felt that this resentment poisons me inside

Then I read something clever in a column by my colleague Meike Winnemuth. She wrote: “I used to be angry with assholes. Not long, but hard. Then at some point I heard something about karma and therefore always said, when I got angry again, relaxed: 'You just have to sit long enough on the bank of a river and the corpses of your enemies drift by. ›» Which is true, by the way - if not nice.

Is this mindset about moral maturity? Christian charity? Or just stupid? Nothing of the sort, Winnemuth says: it is a matter of "pure egoism". She understood one thing: "Forgiving and forgetting are incredibly good for your blood pressure, for your complexion and, for my part, also for peace of mind. "

Where Winnemuth is right, she is right. Because injuries, insults, disappointments make us sick and stupidly not the cause of these feelings. And so we are punished twice by what has been done to us and what we do to ourselves by punishing ourselves with bad feelings, which often also have negative physical effects. In my case, nettle rash, an itchy rash, was added to my other complaints. I could literally have run out of skin.

I thought: Somehow the poison that had built up inside of me had to get out again. But what is the best way to do it? Scream, punch in the pillow, run until you tip over, meditate, pray? Or forge plans for revenge and picture yourself down to the smallest detail, how to tar and feather the enemy?

No way! Winnemuth suggests that you write down everything that burdens you, not on the computer as a short story, but in handwriting, and that you should consciously say goodbye to your pain.

And now comes the forgiveness thing. One of the difficult exercises in life. Why should you forgive someone who has treated you badly? Quite simply because bad feelings are not good for you. Forgiving, by the way, does not mean to tolerate or approve everything that is done to you, not at all. It's about making peace and primarily with yourself.

So I wrote everything from my soul. This act lasted late into the night. When I went to sleep was my heart is lighter and in the morning I felt like a heavy burden had been lifted from me. And I now understand what Winnemuth meant when she wrote: “Line under, sponge over. Exhale. Live on. "