What does it mean to be in a relationship

Starting a relationship with someone who doesn't know what they want is like playing with fire

Last update: 06 July, 2017

With someone who doesn't love themselves, who lives in constant doubt, and is full of insecurities and fears, entering into a relationship can be as dangerous as jumping into the void, and without a parachute. Because if you don't know what you want, love becomes a game of immaturity and irresponsibility.

Let's talk about relationships. When we enter into a relationship, most of us do it to be happy and to create something dignified and meaningful. We want an authentic life partner, a good lover and a mature companion with whom we can work on a joint project, create a solid and enriching basis for new experiences. That's what we want in a relationship, but admittedly, some relationships are more like unsalted eggs. And then there are those partnerships that are a little too spiced….

"If you want to know where to go, first find out what you're fleeing from."

Alejandro Jodorowsky

According to PhD Sandra Murray, a professor of psychology at the University of Buffalo (New York, USA) and an expert on relationships, partners with a high degree of personal insecurity could endanger a relationship. This would be reinforced if the partner doesn't know what he wants, if he doesn't fully invest in the relationship and constantly doubts everything.

Go often Women enter into relationships with insecure men when they have just had a complicated and stressful relationship with a narcissistic partner. Shortly afterwards, finding someone who at first glance doesn't seem so self-indulgent and self-centered seems like a sign of fate to them. Someone who is fallible, shy, insecure, and therefore simply human, can be very seductive.

However, as soon as everyday life sets in in the course of the relationship and living together, the deficiencies come to the fore. They are like the tip of an iceberg that appears out of nowhere and with which we inevitably collide. What we discover is Cold, distance, and occasionally even destruction.

The consequences of a relationship with an insecure partner

As mentioned earlier, uncertainty can seem attractive at first. Someone who is unconfident and vulnerable and admits their fears, doubts and limits can appear very lovable, sweet and attractive. In addition, many are convinced that they could change the partner, that they could save their partner by giving him security and support.

One thing must be clear, however. In a couple relationship, neither partner should assume the role of savior, hero of the insecure, or healer of deep-seated fears. The reason for this is as follows: We cannot change the personality of our partner overnight, and that is often not possible in the long term. Doing this is entirely up to the partner himself or herself.

The consequences that we ourselves suffer from entering into a relationship with an insecure person are varied and potentially serious.

Insecurity in love has consequences

You can find yourself particularly attracted to an insecure person when you are in a relationship with a narcissist. Oddly enough Extreme narcissism and insecurity in relationships lead to similar patterns of behavior and have similar consequences.

  • Insecure people need constant outside approval and approval. We shouldn't forget that people who don't know what they want suffer from a lack of self-esteem. They are like the tire on a bicycle that is constantly losing air, which is why we keep inflating or replacing it.
  • Other characteristics that make people insecure are unpredictability and moods, which are expressed in the form of emotional fluctuations and constant changes in personal goals. Living with an insecure and immature partner is like giving your heart to someone who doesn't know how to take care of them. Sometimes he loses interest in it and the next day he needs it like air.
  • The need for control is also common. The lack of security creates great suspicion about the relationship as a whole, but also brings fear of abandonment or betrayal. Therefore it can happen that the partner has a desire to control our every step.

As we can see, it can turn out to be a very bad decision to enter into a relationship with a partner who has not invested in personal growth, is steeped in fears, and is unable to fully and healthily engage in the mutual relationship project to dedicate.

What can we do when we live with an insecure partner?

Uncertainty can vary in strength. There are people who are fully aware of their own insecurity and try to control and deal with it. However, there are also those who do not want to admit their own insecurity and therefore wear thick armor. Anyone who gets too close to them is doomed to suffer. Your own vulnerable and fragile self lingers inside you.

"Many people are afraid of love because they are afraid of change."

Pablo Picasso

So the first thing we have to do when entering into a relationship with an insecure partner is to get him to take responsibility for himself. He has to recognize that his insecure behavior is the cause of our dissatisfaction.

We also need to make sure that we maintain our own lifestyle and that we don't suffer from other people's needs. So we don't lose our courage to face life and don't submit to the whims of our partner who adores us in the morning and gives us the cold shoulder in the evening.

True love is not impermanent. Those who really love know how to maintain their relationship and what to fight for. In a healthy relationship, insecurity does not play a major role, nor is love half-hearted and flighty. So let us allow ourselves to indulge in sincere, dignified, colorful, and enriching love.