Why does nobody feel real

Feeling sexy and self-confident: How does it work when there is no one around who desires you?

We all love the feeling when we feel really good and sexy in our skin - and usually associate this with the fact that we really like someone. When we notice that we are - desired and loved by the “right” person. Then we feel good and feminine, sexy, desirable. Then a part is activated in us that is actually always there. If we're lucky, he really makes us shine. We're in a good mood, as are the others - we get more compliments and are often in a carefree flirtatious mood ourselves. People love to be in our society because we radiate something that others want - self-confident and natural joy, sensuality, light-heartedness, contentment, maybe also eroticism and love.

Sure, these phases are very special - we are often in love or in love, that makes us happy and satisfied. Or we position ourselves well on various social media channels and collect virtual compliments. In any case, we depend on feedback from others.

"I can't do that myself!"

But what if you would like to really feel and intensify this radiant, sensual, lustful ME again? Just like that for you Or even if you want to experience or provoke it again with others? What if you don’t want to “play” that but be authentic? If you are not in love right now, do not knowingly have someone who desires you and especially if you don't feel like marketing yourself publicly?

Self-confidence only through recognition from outside? This is how you attract the wrong people!

Again and again I hear: “I can't“ do it myself ”- I need an impulse from someone else, otherwise I won't feel sexy. How is that supposed to work when nobody wants me right now? "
Hmmm, that's a "chicken and egg" question, because you are waiting for something to come from outside. What if everyone does that? With this “I need” attitude, you go out with a certain need, the desire for recognition - and, if at all, you will probably also attract someone who is also emotionally needy. Do you really want that?

Bad mood days vs. good mood days

You probably know that, on some days you are just really not in a good mood, you may not like yourself, you don't like yourself, and then you have the feeling that the others look at you strangely and are also in a bad mood. Maybe you get pissed off, "nothing" works, you can find confirmation on every corner why you would have better stayed in bed.

But you probably also know those days when you jump out of bed in a good mood, are happy, and sometimes don't even know what exactly? You smile, the others smile at you, do you compliments? "Everything" just goes wonderfully.
Can you imagine that you can contribute a lot to your mood yourself? It is the same with oneself feeling sensual and comfortable. But let's start from the beginning ...

What do you think of yourself - obstructive beliefs?

Do you sometimes pay attention to how you think about yourself? Or does it happen unconsciously? How often do you catch yourself thinking about destructive thoughts? I often hear sentences like: “Well, that can only happen to me!”, “Sure, I can only find someone who I / who doesn't want me!” “Only I can be that stupid!” Or “I am yes not pretty, clever, lovable, perfect ... enough! "or" That'll be it - I can't find anyone anymore! "or" It's just that after a couple of years of relationship sex is over! "," It just hurts again anyway! ”... I could fill this list even longer, but I don't want to. Because I can decide whether to change my line of sight and consciously keep in mind what I really want. Are you coming with me?

Light on: Do you want to shine again?

Here are a few helpful suggestions that can support you to flip the switch to your own well-being and radiance. One magic word is self-care, i.e. how you take care of yourself and deal with yourself. If you manage to recognize and let go of a few of your obstructive beliefs, you can redefine your attitude towards yourself in a more loving way.

"You are good the way you are. The point is that you notice it again and enjoy it."

You can consciously make the decision “Yes, I am worth it, I want to feel sensual, feminine and comfortable free and independent of others!” Please be sure to find the right words for you personally! You are already on the right path, you will see that there are no shortage of reactions. No, it's in no way about further optimizing yourself - why? You're fine the way you are. The point is that you notice it again and enjoy it. And yes, maybe it takes a little more than this article. But it could be a good start that gives impetus and encouragement.

4 tips for a more loving perspective on yourself

What new helpful beliefs do you like? I'll give you a few suggestions here. “I am lovable the way I am.” “I am a sensual, lustful woman, and show that when I feel safe and comfortable!” “I am beautiful!” “I take care of myself and tell me in good time when I am something is not doing well! ”“ I enjoy a love that really nourishes me! ”... Which sentences are right for you? Find your words. The following questions can help you with this:

What do you like about yourself That could be something you like about the way you look or your character, that can be something you stand for or your smile ... whatever. Do you have a few compliments or good friends with whom you would like to chat? Collect everything.

What can or do you do well and, preferably, also like? It doesn't just have to be special, we can usually do a lot of big and small things well or do them with joy or ease and too often don't even notice them. Now.

In which situations, in which places do you feel really comfortable? When do you like to be alone? When would you like to be with others? When / where / with whom do you feel yourself really well as a woman? For example also in your femininity? Who do you like to joke or flirt with? What do you want (again) to live and enjoy more?

How do you like yourself What clothes do you feel good in? What does red lipstick do to you How do you stand or move? Are your eyes sparkling? Do you hear your voice How do you smell

Make your decision - what do you feed?

It takes practice, a clear decision, and attention, but you can easily learn to make up your own mind how you feel about yourself and your love life. In this way you get closer to your longings, you can realize more. With which “filters” do you approach your life and your loved ones? What are you feeding What you don't want anymore Maybe destructive thoughts or something that scares you? What if you consciously nourish and strengthen what you actually want to live? With thoughts and actions?

3 suggestions for a change of perspective

Feel within yourself how you really want to live your (love) life. Take your time. Which qualities and values ​​are important to you? What do you want to live How should your (new) partner be for you? The simpler, clearer and more positive you formulate, the better. Use all your senses to visualize situations that you are looking forward to. Do you see how you move then? What has changed in your appearance or your charisma? How do you feel then Do you hear your voice or your laugh? Where are you? Enjoy these new pictures extensively, consciously breathe them in and let go of what you no longer need as you breathe out.

Take a moment every morning to consciously reactivate this vision. Think about what you are looking forward to today. What (and if small) step could you take that is in the right direction?

Before going to sleep, reflect on your day: In which situations or with whom did you feel comfortable today? What was it that did you particularly good? What made you happy or even surprised you in a positive way? When were you completely in your element? What did you do well? Did you have moments of flirtation? What do you want more of?

It makes sense to write down your positive thoughts so that you can read them on the less successful days, which we all have over and over again.

Your thoughts shape your actions

Finally, I would like to use a positive example to briefly summarize what your thoughts are doing to you. We deal with the negative often enough anyway, put an end to it.

If you think I'm having a good day today and you're looking forward to it, you put the focus on it. This creates feelings like joy, lust, fun. With these positive feelings you set your actions - and get reactions to them, that's always the case. These reactions also bring corresponding results - so they are a confirmation of your thoughts - and the positive carousel turns ...

I wish you many happy, carefree moments in which you feel really good and sexy. If you want more, feel free to contact me!

About the author:

Nicole Siller offers psychological counseling, sexual counseling and systemic coaching. She is the author of “Find your lust!” - the practical book for female sexuality.

Every last Thursday of the month, an open evening (REGISTRATION!) On the subject of “Women's talks about sex and sensuality” takes place in your practice from 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm. Everything about this as well as information about individual advice, about her blog and courses can be found at lebich.at ..