What if there wasn't hip hop?

House chopper

What happened until now.

When the A.I. (Artificial Intelligence) Stubenhacker and his insane crew can break out of a secret laboratory - so the legend goes - he has no choice but to hide his gutted face behind a mask made of telephones. The scientists who developed it as a beta version had to remove the eyes, nose and mouth when inserting the electronic brain into the human host body. Since then, Stubenhacker has perceived the environment via sensors and can only communicate with a synthetic voice.

After the breakout, he hides, does not dare to go outside. He doesn't know much about people's lives yet, so he hangs out on the internet non-stop for further education. He quickly realizes that wearing masks is common in hip hop - and sees his chance: as a rapper, he might be able to lead a halfway normal life. So he studies the genre, and it soon becomes clear that he wants to be the first rapping cyborg. And then talk show host. And then the Chancellor.

He and his HACK PACK hit the Internet with the TELEFONTERROR LP, which you could call "Hip Hop" with the blinkers wide open. He lives a completely new show-off style: In the first video for SPIEL MIR DAS LIED VOM KOT he demonstrates his superiority by shitting the entire alphabet. Then the second video comes out, does WHOLE DIFFERENCE and Wallpaper Records comes in. What nobody expected: Even hip-hop blogs report about it.

The next trick, 404s AND HACKSTEAKS is already appearing as a wallpaper release - on cassette. In the second semester of his internet studies, Mr. Stubenhacker hacked through German songs from Blumfeld to Tokio Hotel to the Golden Lemon, transfers all of this into his form of trap pop, cheats new lines of text into the songs or simply writes completely new ones. He's also hacking into one or the other video. The Orsons, Deichkind, Fatoni and Fettes Brot can tell you a lot about it and thank you with PR support.


And now?


So far everything is going according to plan. Stubenhacker has observed mankind for a while and draws his first balance: After the two free releases, the debut appears on vinyl on Wallpaper Records. But isn't that an indie pop guitar label? May be. why thisNevertheless fits together, you can tell from the first track, at the latest from the last. From hip hop he took his big face, the rhymes and a few beats with him, the rest is Pop Art, thickly applied and produced in urban fashion by the time traveler Routing Sends and Suder. So in which drawer should you put house hackers? In any case, he will never be allowed to play in the flawless rap game. But he doesn't want to, according to Stubi, German hip hop is the place where ...

… all the tiresome alpha males
Do antics and practice doing males
if they were true, then I would have to lie
if we were a couple I'd cheat on her
if they were feelings I would hurt them
(from: "hand in crowns")

And so he meanders through the beats, wondering about humanity and railing against German soul, against the white man, encourages people to throw away all that money and is awake forever. Always at his side is the mummy Jim Pressing, who not only excels as a Dada rapper on the track "Was anders", but also Bobby Maniac, a singing alien from the planet Disco, who plays the "guy with the phones on his face" supports various hooklines.

With all his knowledge gained, Stubenhacker is still not quite finished with his human research. The long-term goal: to save the human race, which is doomed without his intervention.
So the next step after the music career is television, and he's already working on it.
And then? He can do everything - maybe Germany of all places will be the first country to have an A.I. is governed. Maybe not a bad idea at all - as long as it's not hacked by Nazis ...

Jim P .: Why are you saving humanity from ruin?
Stubi: If I don't do it, who will?
(from: "I can do anything")


Who is behind it?

I am very surprised that no advertising agency for their mobile phone or smartphone clients and no Pixar designer has come up with the obvious idea of ​​creating a character with a face out of three smartphones. It immediately came to my mind the first time I saw a video on an iPhone: I want three of them, and then I'll make a mask. "

Sebastian Stuertz tells this when you ask him how he came up with this parlor. The Hamburg motion designer is the artistic director of the project, whose visual component is at least as important to him as the music. He has been tinkering with music machines since he was 13 years old, first on the C64, at 14 he bought a 4-track device with the confirmation money, played the guitar and was the front man in hardcore, ska and punk rock bands that were always slightly off track. His solo project SUFF O'CATE has always flirted with pop, acoustic guitars and - at least since Portishead - with sampling and electronics. After countless self-published tapes, 7-inches, CDs and compilations, the North German label Plattenmeister released its electrical project VOLTMOLL in 2001. He created the animated video himself, and it even ran on VIVA. Andreas Dorau calls and asks if he can make him a cartoon video for the Trimmy track with Justus Köhnke. Unfortunately, Sebastian has to cancel due to time constraints. 15 years later they made one more phone call, this time as labelmates. Stubenhacker would like to win Andreas over for a joint new edition of "The telephone says you". This time he gets the rejection, although Andreas thinks the video with the poop is really good. He'd rather make new music together.

From 2005 he played German indie guitar pop with his four-piece band STUERTZ, which at some point aroused the interest of L'age D’or. Unfortunately too late - in 2007 the label filed for bankruptcy. The STUERTZ debut finally appears on the Bremen label SOPOT. In the same year the first iPhone hit stores and Sebastian couldn't get the idea of ​​the mask out of his head. When he begins to experiment with Melodyne, a voice effect that can be abused in a similar way to autotune, everything is suddenly clear: they belong together. The Stubenhacker character was born - at least as an idea.

At first he only appears as a sidekick in some of Sebastian's new, electronically produced STUERTZ tracks, but the possibility of being able to write texts from a completely different perspective has something so liberating that the supporting actor pushes himself more and more into the foreground Sebastian decides to give him his own show. At some point he will have the phones for the mask together. An iPod touch serves as the mouth, and two Nokias are used for the eyes, but that actually only makes things better.

Fortunately, until today no advertiser has come up with this obvious idea:

For the last few years - especially before the first video - I've lived with the fear that, for example, SATURN would send a curvaceous woman in a tight space suit and three phones in her face into the race as a testimonial, and afterwards everyone said to me: 'Oh, funny your project like in this SATURN campaign. '"says Sebastian. When Lady Gaga briefly wears glasses with small screens in her PokerFace video, his heart was already in his pants. Fortunately, the sequence only takes 5 seconds and there are no eyes on the screens. Nobody remembers when the house miner was finally finished. Today, 10 music videos later, he is completely relaxed:"I don't have to be afraid anymore, I can wait until Apple calls and wants the house chopper for the next iPhone campaign."