Is it normal to accept the sharing of women?
Sexual orientation - I'm a lesbian one day: Why women often come out late
Then I'll be a lesbian: Why women often come out late
Women often come out late as homosexual. Are they suppressing their tendencies or are they changing their sexual orientation?
Didi was happy. She had just married and longed for a child. Life was really just fair to the 34 year old. Her best friend Sara had also said yes to her long-term boyfriend almost at the same time. The four-man team got along well, so they went on vacation together. Nobody knew then that this vacation would change everything. That afterwards nothing will be the same as before.
One evening on vacation the two women were alone. They laughed, chatted, everything was as always. But suddenly there was this moment. Both looked each other in the eye - and kissed. The two, best friends for years, pressed their lips together. A drama followed. For women and for men. First silence and suppress, then speak, confess love, offend men, friends and families. Today Didi and Sara are married. Didi is expecting the second child with the help of a donor from Denmark.
The two can be described as late lesbians. They are interested in men, even marry, and only after the age of 30 do they come out as homosexual. One often speaks of “late bloomers”. There is also some information on this in the literature: "Married Woman who Love Woman", "Late Bloomers: Awakening to Lesbianism After Forty", Switching Teams ".
Late lesbians have come into focus in recent years through numerous outings by prominent women. Perhaps the best known is the actress Cynthia Nixon, famous as "Amanda" from "Sex and the City". The redhead lived with a man and had children with a man for 15 years before settling on a woman.
Jodie Foster was 45 years old when she publicly confessed to her partner. The German TV presenter Anne Will came out at 44. Quietly, she said about herself and her companion: “Yes, we are a couple”. Sober and full of self-assurance, without wanting to defend, à la Klaus Wowereit's famous post: “... and that's a good thing”.
Have these women always been lesbian and hid their feelings due to social pressures or has their sexual preferences changed over time? Science is also devoted to this question.
One finding: It may well be that women often - especially earlier - seek the traditional path because society demands it and they do not have the courage to lead their own lives. This leads them to later live as "lesbians". Perhaps it is also the desire to have a family, which no longer seems impossible today, but which was previously unthinkable for many women.
Constance Hoppmann from HAZ (Homosexual Working Groups Zurich), who has headed the lesbian counseling for two years, also says: “It happens that women fit into the construction of marriage and family and then try to lead a“ normal ”life because being different from the majority can be difficult. " Much more education is needed so that the hurdle of getting out is not so great.
Women are more open
But more and more researchers are coming to the conclusion that women's sexual orientation can change over time. The American scientist Christian Moran wrote a study on the subject of "Late Lesbian". Their result: “A straight woman can go through a complete transformation into a lesbian identity. In other words, they can change their sexual orientation. "
The researcher Lisa Diamond has investigated the changes in sexual identities of women in a long-term study. There are women who suppress their inclination, but many would only have noticed at a later point in time that they are into women. Mostly triggered by a very specific woman. With Didi, it was her best friend that she suddenly felt drawn to. Didi says she fell in love with the person. This experience is more of a feminine one. Women are more open and malleable when it comes to sexual orientation. Men tend to have a "preferred" and a "non-preferred" gender.
«It takes courage and you also have to know yourself. Perhaps women need more time to confirm themselves, ”says Barbara Lanthemann from the Lesbian Organization Switzerland (LOS). She asks: "Isn't that the case, or at least it used to be that women didn't know their own bodies?" For that you need life experience. From time to time women contact the lesbian organization if they have questions about a late outing. Mostly because there are problems with the ex-husband or because they fear for custody.
John is such an ex. Without a child together, but with an injured ego. His ex-girlfriend left him for a woman. Almost every day he wonders how it came about. They were a couple for nine years and he accompanied them to Switzerland for their job. After a year she sat at the kitchen table and said: "I have feelings for a woman." Today she lives with her, even though she has never had a sexual experience with a woman before.
Scientist Diamond suggests that the likelihood that someone will move across sexual boundaries increases with age. In the case of women who later come out and have even started a family, it is likely that the children will grow up at some point, the marriage no longer works as it did at the beginning, and then for many women there is only the opportunity to think about life . I'm happy? What do i want in my life
«Outing», according to the lesbian counselor Hoppmann, «is always connected with overstepping fears. It seems like a new beginning, but in the end, woman is the same person afterwards as before. Inside, however, something existential has changed. "
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