Can you tell us something about your fear?

I am afraid that I have nothing to say

One reader writes:

I've struggled for a long time with the problem that I don't know what to say when others are around. I find it difficult to talk to other people and have interesting conversations. When I want to tell something, there is just a big emptiness in my head, like a blackout on an exam.

This makes me seem like a bore to others. And accordingly, I find it difficult to make friends. I think they see how boring I am and therefore after a short time they don't want to have anything to do with me.

Just thinking about meeting someone makes me tense and scared. I am no longer looking forward to meetings because they are very exhausting for me. That's why I don't approach people anymore, because I don't know what to say anyway. And when I want to tell something, it comes out so tortured that nobody can be interested in it.

Why is it that I'm afraid of not being able to tell anything? What can I do? I feel so lonely. How can I have a carefree conversation?

The answer:

Hello Robert,

Fear that there will be a pause in conversation because you can't think of anything to say, a lot of people have this problem. You are putting yourself under pressure because you want yourself to be able to tell something interesting.

Every time you talk to you, you're probably racking your brains over interesting things to say. As a result, you cannot really listen to the other person and you are afraid that there will be a break in the conversation. You would probably be very embarrassed because you feel responsible for the conversation.

Ultimately, you find it so difficult to talk to others because you are afraid of not getting across to others and you are afraid of being uninteresting and a bore. And why are you so afraid? Probably because you consider yourself uninteresting. And because you think badly of yourself - and only because of that - you are afraid that others might think that way about you and want to prevent that from happening by all means.

This is where the pressure you put yourself under and your problems with not being able to hold relaxed conversations come from. Learn to accept yourself more and strengthen your self-esteem. The more you accept yourself, the more you lose the fear of being rejected by others, and the more you can have free and informal conversations.